The tales of two pernicious pugs and their doormat.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

10 Cons of Having A New Car

1. The drive home: S-C-A-R-Y. You're not used to this car, and the slightest movement in the steering wheel causes the car to go careening into the next lane. Thereby giving you a heart attack.

2. The comprehensive coverage insurance. Otherwise known as, "I shall charge you so much, you'll have to sell off a lung to pay for it."

3. Knowing that even if you were allowed to get cheaper insurance, you wouldn't do it. It's a brand new car. It NEEDS comprehensive coverage.

4. For those of us that are financing some or all of the cost, the monthly interest-riddled payments. An extra bill a month is really no fun at all.

5. "Car Paranoia". Suddenly you swear that everyone is driving too close, and you cringe and voice a Hail Mary every time someone stops suddenly in front of you. They are out to GET you and your lovely car!

6. Going from an old 1991 car to a new 2008 car? Adjustment. Lots of adjustment. Like - everything is electronic now! Who knew? And then the "Car Paranoia" kicks in. "Wait! I can't see the engine temperature? How do I know if my engine isn't overheating? And I can't control my lights! They turn on automatically - what if one day they turn off? How will I turn them on again? HOW?!"

7. Trash. My old '91 car held McDonald wrappers, soda bottles, old beaten up books, sweaters that I forgot existed, car parts............. My new car? I don't even want to put groceries in the back seat. Must....Not....Dirty...Perfect...Car.....

8. Pugs. No longer allowed in car. Unless they have been: 1) Washed, 2) Dried, 3) Perfumed, 4) Emptied of any potty needs, 5) Diapered, 6) Placed on clean blanket, that has been placed on another clean blanket, that is on top of plastic wrap, that covers the car seat, 7) Strapped down to the seat, 8) Rendered unconscious.

9. Out with the BF? We must drive in my car. Out with friends? We must drive in my car. Going to the supermarket down the block? We must go in my car. And drive around the entire neighborhood. 10 times. Because I like to spend time in my new car. Isn't my car nice?

10. Decoration mania. I now understand those weirdos who put bling and blang and color and shine and this and that on their car. I have better taste, of course, but I have plans. Many plans for my car. Fruitful plans. Delicate, elegant, classy plans. Starting with getting customized license plates. Pug Mom, anyone? How about hot pink license plate frames? Okay, no hot pink.

4 comments:

PinkPiddyPaws said...

I vote for hot pink...definitely hot pink! :)

I totally understand your obsession//errr...paranoia..ha.ha.ha...

Eventually.. it fades... ;)

Tam said...

BwaHaHaHaHaHa! Yeah, you should see my minivan after the road trip. Pug hair everywhere, teddy grahams, etc. I had to get over it or dump the Pug and the kid out along the way. Roni, too, for that matter...

Hey, I tagged you! Check my blog for the rules...

drew.catt said...

Oh dear, this is going to end well...

Sue said...

I am just giggling over this post. Too funny!