The tales of two pernicious pugs and their doormat.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

I've Been Tagged - Again!

By Tam, over at Waiting For Kevin. She's got Kevin, the cutest Guatemalan baby I've ever seen. EVER. And I say he's the cutest Guatemalan baby not to be rude, but because I've got other readers who also have babies, and each of them are equally adorable. So I can't very well say that Kevin is the cutest baby of all time, can I? That may be true, but I risk the wrath of many other mothers. And I don't want to be beaten to death by binkies. But really, you can't look at him and tell me he's not frickin adorable, right? (CLICK THE LINK, PEOPLE!)

Anyway, back to being tagged. This time I need to write 7 weird things about me, and tag 7 other people. Sadly, I don't even HAVE 7 readers (with blogs). Tee hee hee. I have six. So hah! I don't have to tag anyone. *Sticking out tongue*

But on a more serious note, you all can tag yourselves and do it - that'd be fun. Especially for people reading it! But I won't force you. I'm nice. I don't force anyone.

So here are my seven weird things (out of many many other weird things):

1. I like giving people strange questionnaires. If I feel comfortable enough with the person, and they seem up to it, they end up answering things like, "If you had a choice between breaking every major bone in your body or being Britney Spears' assistant for the rest of your life, which would you choose?" (I personally, would go with the breaking-bone thing. Otherwise I'd spend the rest of my life in jail for throttling the life out of Britney after a week.)

2. As a toddler, I was obssessed with Vivaldi's Four Seasons. Whenever I would hear it play, I would sway my head to the rhythm until the song finished. I would ONLY do that with the Four Seasons. Nothing else.

3. If I had to eat something for the rest of my life, forever and ever and ever, it would be asparagus. I L-O-V-E asparagus. More than ice cream, chocolate, cheesecake, fries, and other yummy things. I once participated in a food survey, where we had to fill out some anonymous questionnaires concerning our food preferences. And out of a room of 30 people, I was the only one that said I would prefer asparagus over chocolate. How do I know this? Because the researcher-lady said it out loud.

4. I'm nearly always cold during winter. It doesn't matter if I'm inside, snuggled in bed with my plush teddy, Sir Avery Dum Dum. The slightest wind in my house will send shivers down my spine. There's a reason why I take long baths so often during winter.

5. I've got 2 sets of 3 birthmarks, both on my arm and my face, that form a straight line.

6. I love the adult burlesque scene. I love the clothes, the style - it all looks so elegant and over the top to me. One of my favorite celebrities is
Dita Von Teese, who has brought "classy" back into "stripping". She has been a fan of burlesque since she was a teen, and has been wearing corsets for years. She dresses amazingly elegant, and has become famous for her elaborate burlesque shows.

7. When I was a kid, I used to dress up my little sister. And not just clothe her - I'd drag her into the bathroom for hours while I applied makeup, did her hair, nails, until she'd run out screaming, "MOM! Jane's trying to dress me up again!" If my mom told me to leave my sister alone, I'd get so angry that I'd sit there and bawl. Now my sister is the ultimate tomboy. Maybe it's my fault?

10 Cons of Having A New Car

1. The drive home: S-C-A-R-Y. You're not used to this car, and the slightest movement in the steering wheel causes the car to go careening into the next lane. Thereby giving you a heart attack.

2. The comprehensive coverage insurance. Otherwise known as, "I shall charge you so much, you'll have to sell off a lung to pay for it."

3. Knowing that even if you were allowed to get cheaper insurance, you wouldn't do it. It's a brand new car. It NEEDS comprehensive coverage.

4. For those of us that are financing some or all of the cost, the monthly interest-riddled payments. An extra bill a month is really no fun at all.

5. "Car Paranoia". Suddenly you swear that everyone is driving too close, and you cringe and voice a Hail Mary every time someone stops suddenly in front of you. They are out to GET you and your lovely car!

6. Going from an old 1991 car to a new 2008 car? Adjustment. Lots of adjustment. Like - everything is electronic now! Who knew? And then the "Car Paranoia" kicks in. "Wait! I can't see the engine temperature? How do I know if my engine isn't overheating? And I can't control my lights! They turn on automatically - what if one day they turn off? How will I turn them on again? HOW?!"

7. Trash. My old '91 car held McDonald wrappers, soda bottles, old beaten up books, sweaters that I forgot existed, car parts............. My new car? I don't even want to put groceries in the back seat. Must....Not....Dirty...Perfect...Car.....

8. Pugs. No longer allowed in car. Unless they have been: 1) Washed, 2) Dried, 3) Perfumed, 4) Emptied of any potty needs, 5) Diapered, 6) Placed on clean blanket, that has been placed on another clean blanket, that is on top of plastic wrap, that covers the car seat, 7) Strapped down to the seat, 8) Rendered unconscious.

9. Out with the BF? We must drive in my car. Out with friends? We must drive in my car. Going to the supermarket down the block? We must go in my car. And drive around the entire neighborhood. 10 times. Because I like to spend time in my new car. Isn't my car nice?

10. Decoration mania. I now understand those weirdos who put bling and blang and color and shine and this and that on their car. I have better taste, of course, but I have plans. Many plans for my car. Fruitful plans. Delicate, elegant, classy plans. Starting with getting customized license plates. Pug Mom, anyone? How about hot pink license plate frames? Okay, no hot pink.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Signed, Sealed, Delivered - I'm Yours

Yep, I've got my new car. After getting over the depression of having to spend lots of money on a new car, I began to realize...... "Guess what people? I'm getting a new car! Woot woot!!" So, today I went to the dealership, signed the paperwork, and came home with my new little guy. And here he is in all his tiny glory:

The Toyota Yaris, color black (P.S. These are not my pictures, but its the same car/color, so what the 'ell):

I think I'll call him Zorro.

Friday, January 25, 2008

My Car Is The Spawn Of Satan.

Yes, it is. It totally is. Today I took it to the mechanic to get the battery changed, since it has died on me twice in the past two days. Yay. More money down the drain. But it doesn't stop there - noooo, it doesn't. I get there, and they tell me that my brake fluid is leaking - majorly, and the whole thing needs to be replaced. And there's something wrong with the back tires that make driving bumpy. Both of which need to be fixed ASAP - especially the brake fluid, since I don't want to find myself careening down a hill with malfunctioning brakes. That would be scary and possibly life-ending. So I ask how much this is going to cost me, and whether I'm going to need to auction off my kidney to pay for it. The answer was, "Yes, Pug Mom. You will need to auction off your kidney to pay for this." The tire things were around 1,200, PLUS the brake fluid thing, 500, plus the battery and other stuff, 170. Now, when you sloppily count that together, it comes to nearly $2000 smackeroos. And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is a LOT of money. For a stinking car that always always always always manages to screw me. So I gave up. I paid the man the battery money, and then left.

Now I'm looking for a new car.




I really don't want to buy something new - it's not that I like my car (it's evil! EVIL!), but being a student, I can't really afford to buy a new one. Regardless, instead of spending those $2000 on repairs, I figured I might as well use that as a down payment on a new car.

So I've been looking online for cars. Even in my state of abject poverty, I refuse to buy anything that is not Japanese or German-made, so that limits me to Hondas, Toyotas, and VWs. VWs are just way above my price range, as are most Hondas, so I'm gonna get myself a little Toyota Yaris. And it's gonna be new. I've learned my lesson - no more used cars.

Even in my tragic situation (well, maybe just bothersome), there is some humor to this. I've always made fun of Yaris-es. Now I'm stuck with one. God loves me SO much. Tee hee hee...

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

He's Dead. Wow.

Heath Ledger is dead. He's 28. He has a wife and a baby girl. I honestly can't believe it. It's strange, but of all the celebrity deaths that have occurred during my lifetime, this is the one that has hit me the hardest. Maybe I was too young to comprehend what was happening, but now, I'm just shocked. I obviously didn't know him, I wasn't even a big fan or anything, but the idea of this handsome young (geez, so young) man feeling so depressed that he committed suicide (or put himself in such a dangerous position) is very sad. And then I think about that little 2 year old who's never going to see her daddy again, and the questions her mother is going to have to answer when she asks about him. It's just so sad. I pray for him and hope he didn't die feeling alone, and I pray for his family. Especially that little girl.

I Neeeeeeeeed A Pom

Yeah, I'm not paying attention in class. Whatcha gonna do about it? Huh?

School Sucks Ass

It does, it really does. The longer I'm in law school, the more I want to leave. Don't worry - this doesn't mean I'll be a horrible attorney and hate practicing law. Because as everyone I've ever met says, "Law school is nothing like practicing law." I hope they're right.

But today sucks especially bad. Because it is Federal Securities Regulations day. As in, that's my class for today. I should be happy I don't have more than one class today. But I'm not. Because I have Federal Securities Regulations class today. Let me repeat that again. Federal Securities Regulations. Can anything sound as B-O-R-I-N-G? No. I'd find it more interesting to stare at drool dripping from my pug's chin. Yes. That is wildly fascinating in comparison to Federal Securities Regulations.

And Oh, My, God - My Professor just opened his mouth, and his voice is just...undescribable. It's nasal, and fast paced, and then slow paced, and with a Southern twinge. Strange.

And he just made it clear that this will be a very difficult class. Noooooooooooooo. Noooooo. No. Noooooooo. No. It's my last semester, damnations! I'm ALLOWED to take easy classes. I'm ALLOWED to slack off. Boooooo! Boo!

Okay, I'll shush.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Pug Children Are Evil

I was not going to blog today.
I was going to sit at home, nice and warm, do laundry, watch a few more episodes of The L Word, finish some work, and eat some warm soup.

But I have to blog now.
Because I need to complain.
And if I don't, I'm liable to do something bad and come 5 PM, the BF will drop by and find two pug corpses and a girfriend in a fetal position muttering, "They made me do it! They made me do it!"

What have my two lovely babies done now?
Well, nothing much really. But it's the little things that totally piss you off, right? Right?

So they both aren't housebroken, in my BF's definition. They are trained to go on a potty pad in the house, since when school is in session, I'm out of the house all day and I feel horrible making them hold it in.

So I bought a cheap IKEA rug, placed two potty pads on it, and put it in a nice location in the apartment. I acquiesce that my place is tiny - two bedrooms, and a kitchen/living room/dining room all in one spot. So finding a location that is out of the way is hard, but after watching my pugs for some time, I decided there was a spot they didn't really run around in. So I put the rug there. The very moment I placed it there, the pugs decided that, "Hey! Guess what! Let's totally play ONLY on the potty pads! Yeah! Let's run around and over and on and push and shove until the potty pads and the rug are in completely different directions! Yeah! Totally rad!" So they did. They managed to always mess up my nicely placed rug and potty pads. Now, usually there wasn't much of a mess, but it still bothered me. So now, months and months later, I've decided to move the potty pads to another place that I KNOW they NEVER use.

So this morning I was cleaning, washed the rug, and put it in the new spot with fresh potty pads. Let me emphasize that the pugs NEVER, EVER, IN ALL OF HISTORY, have played or sat or whatever in that location. EVER. So it should work out, right? Maybe, just maybe, my last location was actually a big play spot and I never knew. So I put the pads down. And sit at the kitchen counter to get some work done. And then look back at the rug. The time elapsed has been around, say, 3 seconds. I now see two pugs lying down, bellies up, on the pads. Am I mad? You betcha.

I shoo them off. Then I sit back down. The pugs have gone into a Pugtona frenzy. They're running around the house like maniacs. And guess who bears the brunt of their mania? The rug with potty pads on it. Yes.

I'm mad.

Very mad.

The only reason those pugs aren't getting a sound beating is because, well, they're just too damn expensive. And I can't afford to pay another hundred dollars in vet fees.

Little bastards.

I don't understand why I still adore them.

Bastards. Total bastards.

Sunday, January 20, 2008


Well, Celly's belly is back to smelling like pee. Knew that couldn't last long. Blah.

And I'm still sick. I've been going out regularly these days since it's my last week before class begins, and that's killed my immune system. I think I'm getting better one day, I go out, then BAM! I feel near death the next day. Rinse and repeat. It is really rather ridiculous. The way I'm feeling, I don't think I'll be any better until at least 2/3 days more. Meaning I'll have been sick for about 2 weeks straight. That's just W-R-O-N-G.

And ya know how cold it is out there? It's technically 1 degree F, but the wind makes it feel like -20. Yes, people! MINUS TWENTY DEGREES! I've been locked up in my house since 10 PM Friday, and I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon. Except to open the door for the pizza delivery guy. He can suffer - I'm tipping him for the suffering.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Sick, sick, sick. Sick.

Been sick for about a week, mebbe a little longer. It's killing me - I got sick last week, then I got better, then I got way worse, and now I'm just trying to breathe through these horrid coughing spells. Blah. I hate coughing SO MUCH. I used to get bronchitis really easily when I was younger - I'd get a mad crazy spell of sneezing first, then a fever, then a really bad sore throat, then asthma, and then really really bad coughing. Now my immune system's a bit better, I guess, but still. I wanna be healthy, people! There's nothing to update on this side of the planet, as far as me and the pugs are concerned, so I'll just say adieu to you and pop off for a nice cup of tea.

P.S. The pugs got a bath yesterday - Celly's first REAL bath, and it was wonderful. Not the bathing part (that was not wonderful), but the after part. Where I could pick up Celly, smell her belly, and not go, "Ew! You smell like pee, you stinky dog." Yeah, she tends to practically scrape her belly across the potty pads when she goes pee. Stinky dog.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

The Haircut: Updated

So I asked the BF what he thought - for all those of you who are still wondering. His response, "It's not bad." It's not bad? Ah, the BF is truly a fashionista. Although I expected something along those lines, since he never speaks strongly about anything other than sports, politics, and law. Blah.
As for photographic evidence, so sorry, but no pictures for you folks. Why? Because I can't take them! I've really been trying, but taking a picture of your hair by yourself when it looks really different in the back than it does in the front, is H-A-R-D. So I gave up. But then I realized, "Hey! I can still post the style, can't I?" So here it is, being modeled by Mrs. Beckham. And really, my hair color and highlights are very close to hers - my highlights are just a little more in volume.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Pug Mom Has Been Hit!

Well, she's been tagged. By sweet, very very pregnant PinkBowShoe. The rules say I must share six non-important things/habits/quirks about myself. So, okay. I can do this. Besides, what else is there to do on a sick day? Yes, people, I've got the flu. Blah.

1. Whenever I drink any type of soda, I suddenly change from a demure, quiet little mouse into a loud burping choir. I can't help myself, it's out of my control! One sip, and then...."BURP!" So I avoid soda at all costs. Btw, this has only begun to happen in recent years.

2. When I'm chilling at home eating M&Ms, I always have to open the bag, count how many M&Ms there are of each color, arrange them into patterns, and eat them in the correct order. OCD, right?

3. My favorite food, hands down, is asparagus. I frackin' A-D-O-R-E asparagus.

4. When I was a toddler and had just gone potty, I'd take off my diaper, fold it, and dump it in the garbage. There is photographic evidence of this. Yes, there is.

5. I love cartoons. I really really love cartoons. I will find it more fun to watch an old episode of Winnie The Pooh or Scooby Doo, Where Are You? than an episode of Project Runway (and I LOVE Project Runway).

6. I name things. All my plush toys have names, as do some of my jewelry, accessories, cookware, and, I believe, I once named my boobies. I've forgotten their names, though. Although I distinctly remember they were male. And flamboyantly gay.

Okay, although I'm supposed to tag people, I won't do that, because hey, what if they don't wanna? So I'll just extend the invitation to all my readers, and if you do do it, post a comment and let me know. Well, my computer's about to die, so I'd better run. Toodles!

Amazing! Simply Amazing!

Friday, January 4, 2008

Best Diet Ever

Hello, all! At the start of this year, I began a new diet and exercise plan to shed the tremendous amount of weight I put on during my stint taking happy pills for the past two years. Now that I'm off the pills and my system is clean, I should hopefully be able to lose weight a lot easier (I mentioned in an older post the fact that losing weight has been impossible for me while on the happy pills, and I have tried - really hard. And everything I eat goes straight to my hips. After researching, I realized there are tons of people in the same situation). I know it's been only a couple of days since I started, but I've been sticking to it, and I'm feeling better - I've lost 4 pounds (I'm guessing mostly water weight), in the past week, so things are looking up. I've decided to blog about it, because not only will it help me keep track of my progess, but it will be some motivation to keep at it. I can understand if you're not interested in reading my future posts, and that's perfectly okay. Think of these posts as me talking to myself. You can skip this one too if you like.

First off, I should explain my diet plan. I grew up in a doctor/nutritionist home, with tons of friends and family who were also in the business, so since I was a kid, I've known exactly what I need to do to lose weight and keep myself healthy. The thing is actually applying it. I'm sure you all know that a calorie is not just a calorie - a calorie from a large McDonalds french fry is very different from the calories in a bowl of minestrone soup. Both food items are about the same in calories - about 500 or so. However, a large portion of the fries has fat calories in it, while the minestone soup has hardly any or no fat at all. And we all know that fat is what makes us, well, fat. When the body digests what you eat, it burns off some of the calories during the process. The better foods you eat, the more calories burned off during digestion - foods like vegetables, fruits, good proteins, etc. But fat - fat zips through digestion and goes directly into your problem spots. You really do not burn any calories when eating fat. So while eating fries or a bowl of minestrone soup may be calorie-equal, it's really not when it goes through digestion - say you burn off 20 calories on the minestrone, but zilch on the fries. Therefore, it's really a 480 calorie soup OR 500 calorie fries.

Okay, so that's the theory my diet is based on. The less fat calories I eat, the better for me. I've decided to limit myself to a 1,300 calorie diet. Most doctors recommend the lowest you go, while still doing some form of exercise, be 1,200. Below that, and you're not providing enough nutrition to your body, and your efforts will backfire on you. When you really count your calories, you realize how easy it is to eat ridiculous amounts of them (as I'm sure you all know). For example, I love smoothies. But not the ice cream stuff - I'm talking about just fruits and ice, basically. I make them myself most of the time, but when I'm out shopping, I occasionally buy myself an Orange Julius or Jamba Juice smoothie. Last week I was shopping with my family who'd come over for Christmas, and I bought a Triple-Berry w/banana smoothie at Orange Julius. It has different juices, real fruit, a little yogurt, and the banana, of course. When I checked the nutritional information at home, I was shocked to see that in total, I had consumed 610 calories JUST from that one drink. That's more calories than in large McDonald french fries! Sure, they're better calories, but geez! I'm trying to keep my caloric intake to 1300 or below - that's nearly half my calories for a day. Why is it so calorie-full? The reason is basically juice - juice and yogurt. If you haven't noticed, 1 cup of most juices is at least 120 calories, if not more. A 20 ounce smoothie is 2.5 cups, times 120 calories = 300. Plus the yogurt? I'm guessing another 100/200 calories. That's 500 right there. Plus the banana - another 100 calories. Yeah. It's ridiculous how quickly the calories pile up if you don't check out what's in the food.

So what do I do? Not eat out at all. When you've reached your ideal weight, it's okay to go out once a month, twice a month, and indulge, as long as you keep up with your good eating and working out, but when you're in the weight-loss part of the plan? No going out. Period. Unless you're eating steamed veggies all the time. And if I'm going to be eating that, I might as well be eating at home. It's much easier to avoid temptation when it isn't staring you in the face. So okay - I'm cooking at home. That's fine - I absolutely LOVE to cook, and I have tons of healthy recipes I can do. So that's what I've been doing. My basic diet is broken down as follows:
More veggies and fruits
Only 2 servings of carbs a day
2 servings of good protein a day
20 grams or less of fat a day
And count, count, count!

I'm a soup freak, so I start the day off with a cup of herbal tea (I'm also a tea freak), toast with VERY little margarine, and a grapefruit. Then for lunch I have some oranges. Then for dinner I make myself some soup, using only one serving for each ingredient - i.e. 1 celery stalk, 1 small potato, 1 small onion, 1 carrot, 1/2 cup of pasta, etc. You may think that's not a lot, but believe me, it is. It's soup. Soup EXPANDS. So I end up with a giant pot of soup that tastes great, fills me up, and is only about 500 calories. 500 good, healthy calories. Regarding fat intake, I use 1 tbsp of margarine in the morning on toast, which is 7 grams, and in the evening I use 1 tsp of oil, which has about 5 grams. So I eat 12 grams of fat a day.

As far as exercise goes, I've been lazy about dragging my butt through the freezing snow outside to get to the gym, so I've resorted to working out at home. I recently got a stationary bike, which is fantastic, because I love them, so I'm planning on using that as part of my exercise regime. 30 minutes on the bike, then weights and calisthenics for another 15 minutes. I wake up around 7 AM to get this done, since I don't need to be at work until 9, and I have plenty of to get dressed and eat my tea and toast. It doesn't seem like much fun for the first day or two, but you get into the groove of things, and it gets easier.

So, that's basically it. Eat healthy, limit calories, COUNT your calories (very important), and exercise. I know this is probably the longest posting I've ever made, and I apologize if you read through all that, but I figured I should lay it all out now. Like I said, it's only been about a week, but I feel better, I've lost some weight, and this diet seems reasonable enough that I can see myself implementing it permanently in my life, and just giving myself a few more calories once I reach my ideal weight. I'm excited, and I really hope my body works with me in getting back into my size 6 jeans. Ha ha ha... one can only hope.

If you've got any questions or comments or think I'm crazy, go ahead and let me know. Any additional information is definitely welcome. Thanks, and now I need to go pick up a boyfriend from the airport, to toodles to all!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Oh, Dear Minneapolis!

Two blog postings in one day. Wowzee. And of course, it's only something important that would make me blog twice in one day. Or extreme boredom. One of the two. In this case it's the former. So guess what, dear readers?


No guesses?

Well, Minneapolis has been named the
most literate city in the United States in 2007, followed closely by its brother, St. Paul at number three. Yippee! We may have ass-freezing winters, annoyingly humid summers, and an invasion of trash-eating squirrels, but by golly, we're literate, dangnabbit! Yes, we all spend mind-numbing hours at the library reading about trademark law and the effect of chicken on pugs. Right, fellow Minnesotans? Right? ........ Well, mebbe it's just me.

Want A Scary Movie?

Want a movie that doesn't have ridiculous amounts of blood shooting in every which direction? Want a movie that doesn't have stupid-looking "monsters" popping out into the screen every five seconds? Want a movie that's so scary that every loud sound makes you jump five feet in the air? Want a movie that'll haunt you for days, even those of you that never get scared (like me)? Well, if you want a scary movie like that, then you MUST watch The Orphanage - the best horror movie of 2007 (yes, 2007 - it was released a few days before New Years).

The Orphanage is a movie in Spanish, with English subtitles (I speak Spanish, but everyone I saw it with only speaks English and they were just as scared as me). It's basically about a woman who grew up in an orphanage, got adopted, and came back years later with husband and son to buy it back and make a home for special needs children. Then one day her son disappears. And strange things start happening.

That's all I can tell you, since I really don't want to ruin it for you - and if you are interested, PLEASE do NOT read any reviews for it. I did - just a few - and a few REALLY scary scenes were ruined for me because of it (and the reviews didn't really have true spoilers). I don't know if you'll be able to catch it - it's only playing for a week here at our indie theatre, and then it's gone. But if you have it in your area, GO see it. It scared me shitless without overdone blood, guts, and cheap thrills, and overall, it was really a very well done movie.

And that's my product pimping for today.