The tales of two pernicious pugs and their doormat.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Celly Ate A Mosquito (And Other Serious Matters)

So last night I was laying on the couch, covered in my nice, warm, couch blankie, draped by two heavy pugs on my chest, watching TV. When who should enter but a gigantic mosquito. I don't even know if they're called mosquitos (seeing as they're so ginormous) but anyway, there it was. Flying around lazily. Scaring me to death (I, for some reason, have the biggest heebie-geebies when I see one of those huge mosquitos). And then the mosquito decides to fly closer to me. And closer. And closer. And I cringe, trying to decide when to dive under the blankie, when guess what happens? Celly spots the mosquito hovering nearby, takes a flying leap off the couch, and...swallows it in one bite. Yep. My baby pug ate a huge mosquito. To save her mommy! I was so proud.

Now, I have another matter to bring to my dear readers' attention. And I'd like your honest opinion, because I'm sick of trying to figure this out on my own. So, this is the problem:

I have a friend, who I've known for a couple years. In the past, we used to hang out often and get along pretty great, but for several months now, we've been drifting apart. I'm trying to decide if I should end this friendship definitively and not drag it out any longer, or whether I should give it another chance. And if you can give me any input, advice, opinion, I'd appreciate it. But perhaps I should inform you of how our relationship stands right now, and our individual behavior in the past months.

Him: He rarely calls, and if he does, it is often to ask a favor. Sometimes, if he's at the supermarket, he'll call and ask if I want something. He doesn't text/email/fax/etc. often either. If he does communicate, mostly it's to tell me something that's going on with him - he rarely asks about me. He rarely tries to hang out with me - if he does, it's usually to see a movie (that he's interested - never a movie I really want to see, but he's not interested in). Sometimes he'll be nice, like buying the next X-Files season and letting me watch it first. Or saving chicken leftovers for my pugs. But those occasions are few and far between. When we are together in a situation where we can talk, I notice he oftentimes isn't paying attention to what I am saying, or doesn't seem very interested in listening to me (and before you ask, there is a marked contrast in his behavior when he IS interested and participating in conversations, and when he ISN'T). He has repeatedly said he wants to be my friend, and that he likes me, but he rarely talks to me or hangs out with me, and even when he does, it often feels like he's not really there. Today he even texted me to let me know he had done something I STRONGLY disapprove of, and I know will hurt him - he knows I disapprove, and knows I would worry about him and that it would hurt me to know what he did, but he still told me. And when I asked him why he told me, when he knew it would hurt me, he didn't give me a reason, or apologize.

Me: If I want to hang out with him, or want to know what's going on with him, I have to call him. He rarely initiates contact. If we do hang out, I feel uncomfortable because he doesn't seem interested in having a conversation or being a friend and asking what's up with me. I've tried talking about him, but even that doesn't work very well most of the time. In a lot of respects, we have very different topics of interest, but I have always done my best to find out what's going on in his life, and show him that I care about him. However, he rarely seems interested in doing the same. He has often cancelled "dates" because his other friends called him at the last second and asked him out (and sometimes had the gall to make me feel guilty if I seemed upset at his cancelling). I don't feel like he's a friend I can count on, and I feel like he's only my friend to use me when it suits him. This hurts me, and deep down inside I think I should end the friendship instead of being dragged to and fro at his whim - but I'm hesitant to do it. And before you ask, I have done my best to avoid clingy behavior - I don't call him every day, and I certainly don't see him every day. I do most of my social activities by myself and don't invite him - if I do, it's usually to something I'm definitely going to/watching, so I don't feel disappointed if he doesn't want to come along.

SO, yeah. After writing this down, I realize this seems horribly prejudicial. But honestly, I racked my brain to be as truthful and fair as I could be regarding the situation. And yet after reading this I have to ask myself, "Why am I STILL his friend?" I guess that boils down to - in the past, he was a good friend. He was generous with his gifts and time (he's like that with all his friends), and I had really fun moments with him. But now it's completely different, and the only reason I'm still hesitant to cut him out of my life altogether is because of those memories. I feel that I owe it to him, because he USED to be a good friend, to remain his friend even if I don't feel we are close at all anymore. Also, he occasionally does something nice (like getting me something from the grocery store or buying a movie for me to watch - although he keeps it, of course), which makes me momentarily forget all his other negative behavior. And we'll still bump into each other on a regular basis even if we aren't friends, and being non-confrontational, I don't think I'd like that (and I refuse to change my habits to hide from him). So, basically, this post is for you all to slap me over the head and tell me to stop being and idiot and drop the motherf'er. Or give me advice. Or something.

Sorry to burden you all with my friend issues, but today and his text message was the last straw, and I had to tell SOMEONE or I'd pop. So, people, what is your opinion?


Sue said...

I'm not sure I would sever the relationship permanently, but I would stop pursuing staying close. I have several friends in this bracket. I still consider them friends, but I no longer put forth all the effort.

And yes, sometimes I do feel that they only contact me when they need something. One in particular I only hear from when she's having a candle party and wants to boost her sales to get more free/reduced price products. Sometimes I go. Sometimes I don't. I no longer go out of friendship obligation, I go based on if I need candles or not.

PinkPiddyPaws said...

You obviously are not getting as much out of the friendship and you are giving and an imbalance is never healthy.

So... read what you read .. again.. and see what you are already telling yourself. It's all there in black and white (and red with the new theme change.. hee..hee..) for you to see. You already have the answer, babe.

Now.. CONGRATS to your big bad hunter Puggie, Celly for saving you from the mosquito of mastodon proportions. ha.ha..ha...!! :)

Tam said...

Well, it sounds like the friendship is dying a natural death. You're growing apart for whatever reason. Sometimes that just happens and it's nobody's fault, really. Sometimes it hurts, but, if you try to force the friendship into what it once was, you just become resentful and angry. Keep the memories of what it once was and just allow whatever is going to happen, happen. I wouldn't sever the friendship, just let if drift wherever it's destined to go.