Lately I've been thinking that maybe I should stop being a overweight slob and actually go out and do some exercise. As well as cut back on the gallons of ice cream consumed daily.
It's been going pretty good, and this week I decided to pick up a book about yoga. I've always been interested in limbering up (hell, I'd be happy just being able to do the splits), and I've heard yoga is great for that - so yoga book bought at Borders, brought home, quickly scanned while steaming broccoli, and forgotten until a more convenient time.
Today I got back from the gym sweaty and feeling like my tummy was carrying around one of those giant water cooler jugs (probably due to my over-enthusiastic consumption of water at the gym). I call out to my pug, with the usual greeting of, "Good evening, my child" (in a sinister Dracula-ish voice. I don't know why.) He jumps all over, snorts, farts and looks at his behind as if to say, "Huh? Wasn't me. Swear." and does all those other lovely pug things. I spot the yoga book lying forlornly on the kitchen counter, and decide to try it out.
So I pick the book up, read a little, lay down on the floor, and start my yoga routine. Ahh, the corpse position. Close my eyes...breathe in....and out....and in...and OUCH! I open my eyes. DevilSpawn is sitting on my chest, his little tail wagging like a torpedo, panting very very close to my face. Granted, I'm sweaty and smelly and all, but I still don't like being slobbered by a dog that eats chicken every day (hey, I'm a vegetarian. I cry for each chicken killed unnecessarily. But I get blackmailed into buying chicken every week for the pug. He's an evil mastermind, I'm telling you.) So I pick up the pug, put him far away, and return to my yoga maneuverings. Now, I'm sure if I had a Golden Retriever, or a Doberman, or a Keeshond, or even a Chihuahua, the dog would eventually tire of my antics and leave me be. However, that is NOT the case with a pug. My personal theory is that pug brains are so small, that they can only receive and remember a certain amount of information - therefore, what was newly discovered and memorized 2 seconds ago, has been erased by now. Which equals a very curious pug that never shuts up or leaves you alone. Let me tell you, that session was short. VERY, VERY short. Every time I moved a limb or finger, the pug would be there to put it in his mouth or slobber on it. And if I wanted to lie really still and concentrate, he'd make sure that I become an obstacle course, where he'd jump from my left side to my right side, usually falling on my chest in the process. Just lovely. I have a feeling he got more exercise done than I did.
And that was the end of my first try at yoga. I think I'll have to close the door next time.
....or Get Off the Pot
3 weeks ago