The tales of two pernicious pugs and their doormat.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Mistakes: Gotta Make 'Em

You know, I've been thinking for a while, and I've come to the conclusion that people NEED to make mistakes. I know, there are tons of advice books out there that tell you what you need to know about life in order to avoid making big mistakes. And your parents and best friends and teachers and nosy people tell you what to do to be happy, and what not to do. But the truth is, it doesn't matter. Most people will not learn from advice. Hell, people who WANT to learn and who TRY are probably going to end up making the same mistakes - advice or no advice. And why? Well, I really don't know. But I tell ya it's true. Take me, for example. I made mistakes in my relationship - big ones, that were partly to blame for the breakup. But the funny thing is - some of my mistakes were things I KNEW I shouldn't do. Things that I had seen with my own eyes done by other couples. I KNEW that they would lead to trouble. But did I listen? N-O. I did them anyway. And now that I've done them, experienced the consequences, and the pain that results, now, FINALLY, my little brain goes, "Hm, I shouldn't have done that." It's almost as if we have to try it out ourselves - maybe we deceive ourselves into thinking that even if it didn't work for 1,000 other people, it might work for me. I think it might boil down to curiosity, perhaps. The stubborness that is innate to most humans out there.

I'm not even sure I'm saying it's a bad thing - I know that by experiencing it, I've been sufficiently shocked enough into not doing it ever again (as much as possible). But still - it would have been nice to be smart enough to say, "Hey, if everyone is telling me not to do something, well, maybe they're right! Maybe they're got something there."

And if my post sounds mopey, it's not - believe me, it's absolutely not. I actually find it VERY amusing. I mean, I've seen smart people do it, I've seen dumb people do it, I've seen people in between do it. It's crazy - why can't we listen to experience???

But honestly, when it comes down to it, I don't think I regret many things. Especially the mistakes in my relationship. Because even if it ended, I learned from it. Really very important things. Things that are absolutely necessary for any kind of sane relationship. Lots of things I didn't know before. And I prefer to have learned that now at 21 than at 50 with 5 kids and an asshole husband.


Anonymous said...


Your experiences bring you to the world of wisdom. Welcome to it.

LarryLilly said...

I had TWO dates in my life prior to meeting the woman that would become my wife. TWO, as in one, two. That includes high school and the first week of college. So then i roll along with this woman, married after two years, married for 27 years. But things changed during that time., Each of us took different paths, we spent our adult life with our kids, together, but apart. Chit happens, then as the oldest leaves for college, the second is in his last semester of HS all hell breaks loose when our only daughter and yougest commits suicide. That torn the last shred of fabric from the marriage. It took several more years for it to be truly evident, but it was ripped a new.

Thats how relationships end, maybe not any one's fault, but a collective fault. During the divorce process my wife dies from a long term illness that suddenly took a serious turn for the worse.

Since then I have remarried, and she also had past problems, and well, this time around its GREAT. 10 years of bliss, and yet its as if we have known each other forever.

Life gives us lessons, how we perform measures us for future tests, and when presented again, if we have truly learned, we will pass the do-overs.

So smile, its not the end of the world, and it may make the next go-around last longer than the required 8 seconds.

PinkPiddyPaws said...

Oh yeah!! I'm a firm believer in "you can talk until you are blue in the face" but folks are gonna live their own lives and make their own mistakes EVEN THOUGH you've just told them exactly what happened when you tried the same thing. :)

....sigh... makes me feel like a Mom or something. Ick! ;)