My Little Celeste

It's here! It's finally here! My first picture of my new pug baby, Celeste. Not that I can actually SEE her in this adorable bundle of pug bodies, but she's there - somewhere. There were two girls, and six boys - this picture was taken right after the babies were born. Yay! Just wanted to share it with you.

Cold...so very cold...

Today is Babar's last checkup at the vet - from this day forward, he's no longer a puppy. He's an adult pug. Well, at least that's what my vet wants me to believe, so I can spend another $300 on the adult plan this year, since he already convinced me to spend $200 on the puppy plan last year. So the poor pug was bundled up, tossed in the car, and handed over to the vet's receptionist. During it all, he was wagging his tail like it was motor-powered, and licking everyone in sight. Poor pup - doesn't know what's in store for him. Now I've returned home to a empty apartment...so dark...so QUIET. I'm lonely. Although I may oftentimes wish my pug was 100 miles away, especially when he gets into one of his moods and wants to chew my fingers to the bone, and then munch those down his throat.... but when he's gone, I miss the little bastard. Why? I don't know. Perhaps I'm a sadomasochist. Or mebbe I just love that darn dog too much for my own good. He's also a great entertainer. He's got such an expressive face, so even the slightest little movement says volumes - I laugh myself silly sometimes. Lately he's taken to acting even more like a spoiled child - he's realized that he can tug on my pants or dress to get my attention, and the little monster does it ALL THE FRACKING TIME. I look at him and I see his little brain spouting, "Mommy?! Mommy?! MOMMY!? Attention!! Give me attention! I am the center of this universe!! Attention!! Attention!!" He's also developed his own little form of language - he rarely barks, and almost never at me, but he will go from grumbling, to whining, to short little yips, depending on what he wants. It's almost endearing, but not quite because it annoys the hell out of me. Unless he's doing it to someone else. Then I just laugh my pants off. Oh, well. Enough of this pug talk - I've got work to do, and I'd better get to it. Ciao!

Tattoo Advice Requested

Hello, my dear readers. 'Tis three AM and I can't sleep. Again. I should probably head over to the pharmacy and take out my sleeping aid prescription - I've finally succumbed to the fact that I need it. Desperately. Anyway, that's not why I'm writing - well, not mainly, anyway. You see, I want to get a tattoo - it would be my first, and I want something that's really special (doesn't everyone say that?). A few months ago, I was determined to get a cartoon pug on my lower back, but I decided that although I adore my pug, the actual picture that was gonna get carved into my back wasn't something I was emotionally attached to. So I thought...and I thought...and I thought. I came to the conclusion that I don't want anything with someone's name, regardless of their closeness to me, because...well...I just don't. I also thought about symbols that might represent something about me, but those just seemed rather pretentious and I gave that up too. What I've really been looking for is something to express my young-child-in-Neverland side. The hope I have that no matter how old I get, I don't lose my wonder and naivete that I had as a child (and still do to some degree). So I figured what else but a picture of a cartoon that I loved as a kid? So here are my three choices - Gus, from Disney's Cinderella; Mr. Toad, from The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad; and last, Betty Boop.

Now I probably should add that although I adored Gus and Mr. Toad, I didn't watch Betty Boop on a regular basis. However, when I was younger, I was frequently compared to Betty Boop due to my "delicate look". So there you have it - my top three picks of characters that had meaning to me as a kid. I'm thinking of getting it on my shoulder or lower back, and I would love to have it done before I go on vacation in August. And why am I sharing this with you? Because I just can't decide! I'm leaning towards Gus and Mr. Toad, but then I look at Betty and her legs... so, in short, I need your help! I know my reader-base is quite limited, but I would LOVE to have any input whatsoever. And if there are any readers out there who've never commented, comment! PLEASE! I know whichever I get, I won't regret it, and it'll probably be the first of a few more to come (I've always loved tattoos), so give me your best shot, and I'll definitely take it into consideration. Toodle-pip!

Anxiety sucks ass.

It really does. You see, like I explained a few posts ago, I'm a naturally anxious person - probably because I've always been a pessimist, so I think of everything that could go wrong, and that makes my blood pressure skyrocket and often makes me unable to concentrate on anything other than those worrywart voices in my head. Lately I've been having troubles falling asleep, and I stay awake for hours hearing my brain rush through all the things I have to do, and all the things I haven't done, and my future, and my past, and everything I've done wrong recently, and everything that could go wrong in the future.... ack! It drives me insane - and I just can't seem to quiet my brain. I try to distract myself by doing something else, but unless it's something that requires major mental or physical strength, I still hear those little voices in the back of my head stressing me out. And at some point, the voices turn into this hard lump in my chest, a feeling similar to dread, that stays with me all day long and far into the night. I've been having troubles concentrating on work lately due to this craziness, and due to unexpected circumstances, I've horribly behind on some projects, which just doubles my anxiety and makes me even less effective. Ugh. I need a vacation. But since it's quite possible my planned vacation for August is going to fall through (ugh, that's a whole 'nother can of worms that's keeping me awake at night), that's probably not going to happen. I should probably take up yoga or something.
Which reminds me, I always thought the whole meditation-relaxation-stress-relief thing was a joke, and that anyone could just sit cross legged and breathe deeply and relax for 10 minutes or so. HA! I was so so very wrong. In my desperation, I'm tried to just relax - calm myself - focus on breathing - picture the air coming in and out... but after 2 seconds of it, the voices rush back in and start screaming even louder to be heard. Damn, that meditation stuff is hard. I really don't know what to do - I guess part of writing this post was to vent (I apologize for having so many "venting" posts lately), but also to maybe get your advice. Anyone have any ideas on how to shut those godawful little voices???? I'm desperate here. Well, not nearly so, but I'm getting there. School will start in a month, and I cannot be in this state when I start. It will not bode well for my studying. Well, it's very late, much later than my normal bedtime, but I can't sleep (I bet you can't guess why...). But I'll do my best or lay in bed with my eyes closed until morning. Whichever comes first. :)

Ah...travels.

Well, today I've been looking at tickets for international flights and pictures of some of my old trips beyond the sunny lands of good ol' US of A. I've been trying to calculate how many countries I've visited, and whether some "count" as having visited or not. I've always felt somewhat guilty labeling places I've stepped foot on for an hour or so as somewhere I've "visited". So it's now up to you, dear readers, to let me know if they count or not. I shall abide by your wishes. Here's a list of places by category.

Places I've stayed at longer than 24 hours:
Sweden
Norway
Denmark
The Netherlands
France
Switzerland
Czech Republic
Austria
Hungary
Croatia
Italy
Greece
Spain
Portugal
England
Canada
Brazil
Ecuador
Mexico
Jamaica

Places I've stayed at less than 24 hours:
Slovakia
Costa Rica
Argentina
Paraguay

Places I've used the bathroom at:
Germany
Belgium
Panama

Now it's your turn to vote and decide - and if any of you have visited any of these places, I'd LOVE to hear your opinion about it or your experiences. I'm a travel junkie (as must be evident by now), so I love listening to anything related to traveling. Toodles!

Bleh.

So I took my car to be checked out - I found a really nice, HONEST mechanic who went through everything and realized that I'm going to need major changes. This is an OLD car with lots and lots of mileage, so I figured this day would come sooner or later, but I was hoping it wouldn't until next year, when I graduate and get a new car. But alas. So it seems I'm be spending $300 on fixing it (just parts) and begging my dad to come from Michigan and fix it for me (otherwise I'd be spending over $800 to fix it at the mechanic - and he reduced his prices). So bleh.
Family issues are still around, but it seems like it'll all blow over if they cooperate. Which I've strongly advised them to do. But still - I'm normally a very anxious person, and when it comes to my family's problems, I cannot manage to stop worrying until I know the problem has been cleared up. Having depression doesn't help either - usually my medication is more than enough for me to float through a normal day, but if I have big problems, I find it impossible to sleep and spend the rest of the day with little voices in my head describing the worst possible scenario that could happen. It drives me insane.
Ick. Okay, that's enough depressing talk for now. I did hear good news today, though. I'm currently in the process of buying a black pug puppy, who should be ready to come home around September. Today I got word that she was finally born - the mommy popped out EIGHT puggies. Eight! That's a ridiculously huge amount for a pug. Six boys and two girls. And one of those girls will be mine soon. Yay! I'm so excited - I can't wait to have another little pugger running around the house terrorizing all the ants. I should be getting pictures sometime this week, and when I do, I'll post them up. I've heard some people say that they just don't like pugs - but as you will discover soon, pug puppies are just ridiculously adorable. You can't NOT like a pug puppy. Maybe a pug dog. But NOT a pug puppy.
All right - time to go to bed. I promise I'll devote more time to blogging - I've just been horribly busy this week. Toodles!

Worst Day Ever

July the 8th, 2007 hates me. Hates me with a passion.

Let me explain.

Today I wake up feeling sick. I run to work to drop off my timesheet to get paid, and I effectively lock myself out of the house. So I can't get back in, or crawl through any window because they're all closed. On the way to school, my engine starts overheating and the "Check Oil" sign turns on. So I check and realize there's got to be a leak somewhere with the engine oil AND the coolant, since I had recently replaced both. So yay. I go to school, drop off my timesheet, and manage to break down into embarrassing tears in front of my two bosses while asking them for legal advice regarding a BIG problem my family just got into (which only happened because my dad was angry at my mom and wanted to do something to get back at her - and yes, they don't get along much and probably will divorce sooner than later). So I head back home and start calling locksmiths everywhere to come help - I find someone nearby who promises to drop by and open my door for $60. He comes, looks, can't manage to open the door easily, and eventually ends up charging me $90. I'm currently nearly broke, so that's a big hit to my bank account. I finally get inside the house and The Pug is really pissed off at me and starts biting my toes and tugging at my dress, prompting me to trip and smash my toes really hard into a cabinet. Now they're hurting like a mofo.

So I sit here in my room, hurting, tired, pissed off, and I STILL need to call around to figure out this whole legal mess my parents have gotten into. God, I HATE my life sometimes.

P.S. I know this isn't at all entertaining, but I really needed to get it out of my system.

Happy 4th!

Well, it's come around - the 4th of July. And I'm sitting here, roasting my ass off in the sun, and keeping an eye on the stray pug who's running up and down the beach like a maniac. Where, you might ask, am I? I'm cold chillin' with my homies up at Duluth, MN. It was The Boyfriend's tradition, and now it's OUR tradition, to go up and spend some time with friends by Lake Superior. And this is the first time the pug has tagged along - and let me tell you, he absolutely LOVES it. He's been carried into the lake, waves rolling and crashing over him (well, waves to him. Ripples to us.)and let loose to run around with other dogs. Then he tried to dig a hole to China. And was promptly distracted by people walking by. Or a bug crawling along. Or oxygen. He's just an easily distracted pug. Then he got my nice clothes all dirty, tore wounds into my feet while digging in the sand, and pooped in the water. All in all, a fun day for him. I've been rather entertained as well, and I can't tell you know nice it feels to not have any responsibilities or things to do right now. It's so relaxing. Now I wish I could fall asleep on the couch, but unfortunately, gotta keep an eye on the pug. So it's off to catch him before he scares a baby. Toodles, and hope you have a nice Independence Day too!

And this one too.

Okay, okay, I promise this is the last one! Promise! But seriously, look at those dancer girls - soooo "attractive". Unfortunately, nowadays we have beautiful dancers and horrible songs.

But in my defense...

I'm also currently obsessed with this song as well. It's such a mix of corniness and utter genius. I can't help myself.

There's something wrong with me...

For liking Rihanna's latest single, "Umbrella". I've already taken the oath never to like highly publicized singles (or at least, ignore them until they sink into obscurity) - but I just can't help myself. I find my eyes oogling Rihanna's legs as she dances in the video. You MUST watch the video - turn off the sound if you like, but watch her body move. Amazing. Is it evil of me to wish I could rip out her brain and put mine in there instead? Being short and stunt-ish isn't fair.

Odd.

I don't exactly know how to begin this post, since I'm still rather confused by the subject matter, but I guess I might as well just jump into it: I think I saw a dead person.

Now, I probably didn't, and I hope that our society hasn't become so jaded and uninterested in their fellow man that they didn't leave a dead body to rot in the sun all morning.... but I could have sworn he was dead.

Perhaps I should make myself clearer: The Boyfriend and I are driving around town this morning (10ish, probably), and we pass a busy intersection, which has a couple park benches in random spots for people to sit on. And as we pass one bench, I see this bare-chested man wearing dirty jeans, arms spread out and head tilted back. His eyes were closed, and it seemed like he had just been given a knock-out punch and had fallen back onto the bench unconscious. I would have assumed he was a homeless drunk who'd fallen asleep on the bench, if it weren't for the fact that his arms and neck were covered in what seemed to be drying blood - you could see droplets of blood sliding down as far as his abdomen. He seemed eerily still, and I couldn't detect his chest rising or falling. So, to my mind, that seems to point to all signs that he's dead - or quite injured.

I tell The Boyfriend, who didn't see it, and doesn't seem to be too worried, but we've already passed him and I don't even know whether to call in and report it. So I don't. I assume if he WAS hurt or dead, people would have noticed already, since he's sitting in the middle of such a busy intersection - but maybe everybody's like me. Maybe everybody assumes someone else will take care of it, and walk on by. Now I feel guilty about not stopping or calling someone, and I'll keep my eyes posted on the local news just in case.

Maybe it was nothing, but when a man is covered in blood, you should stop and try to help, dammit. I hate society and myself for becoming so skeptical sometimes.